Are you there? Are you ok? Does it feel as though you're watching a film of your own life in fast forward?I've been looking through photos taken since February, to decorate this blog post, with a feeling of weird detachment and disbelief; how fast the year has unravelled and how momentous the world events, that make it almost impossible to gather enough sensible thoughts to write. I've resisted writing so far because almost as soon as I contemplate a quiet moment sharing the joy of the spring blossom or the scent of the Lilacs or a "thing I made", I'm struck dumb by the fear and confusion and anger in The News that makes a blog like this seem trivial and ridiculous. Apart from Covid -19 there have been the Black Lives Matter protests and the toppling of Mr.C the slave trader, into the harbour in Bristol, which has made me want to keep quiet and educate myself. I'm learning what I thought I already knew, getting confused, questioning everything, feeling very aware that despite believing myself to be "not a racist" that isn't necessarily enough. Nor is wearing a t-shirt with a slogan but this arrived today via Print Social, designed by printmaker Rachel Louise Hibbs with 100% of the profit going to Show Racism the Red Card. So I'm looking stylish while I try to be a better human!
Meanwhile here in the mountains lockdown crumbled like a sandcastle in an incoming tide and I look back at this photo of the endless blue days of spring with a strange nostalgia that belies the real fear that was keeping us all awake. Those blossoms are now hard green sloes on rampant, windblown hedgerows, dripping with dog rose, honeysuckle and meadowsweet, promising a nice crop for gin in time for Christmas. Everything is deeply green and shady around the house, dripping rain and aphid honeydew like a rainforest. I planted loads of seeds to feed us during the apocalypse - beans, peas, salads in pots, only to succeed in producing a huge crop of enormous snails. I'm the queen of snail farming, I'm also vegetarian so don't suggest I eat them instead of courgette.People are back in the Lakes all of a sudden, as if its a normal summer and I'm finding it all especially unsettling as, unlike Rupert and Sara who started escaping as soon as they were allowed, I've only been out about 5 times since March (my 17 year old car finally gave up the ghost in April so I couldn't flit if I'd had anywhere to go). Now I'm having to re-engage with Outside and hopefully a smooth return to work in the bookshop.
I just looked back to see when I last wrote anything and realised it was so long ago that there isn't even a mention of the pandemic! That month included two interviews for magazines and a potential feature on Countryfile which was due to be filmed in March at Rydal Mount, around the time of the Wordsworth 250th anniversary celebrations. I can't help feeling that it's entirely in keeping with my life's progress that I got what could have been my Big Break, just as the world went mad and even the news was broadcast by people in their living rooms, juggling child care, lockdown hair and dodgy internet connection. Anyway, the magazines got printed and it felt lovely and flattering and a bit unlikely.I'd have hated being on film anyway but the researcher was very nice.
Since ALL my events have now been cancelled (the last two just announced this week) it's been a scramble to try and make up for that with website sales and thinking about different ways of working. Last weekend I took part in an Online Show which replaced Crafted by Hand in Masham. It went ok and it might be the way forward, but how to do this without turning people off? Many of us will struggle financially due to the effects of this crisis and I hate doing the hard sell at the best of times.I wanted and intended to do all sorts of helpful and altruistic things with my art during lockdown but the fact is, the truth is, like a lot of people I struggled to concentrate on anything creative, I felt guilty about living in a beautiful place with space and fresh air so I didn't even want to share photos and obviously there were personal fears and worries too. I'm taking it gently, trying to recognise that it's pretty normal that anxiety bubbles up in odd ways because none of us have ever had to deal with this kind of thing before. I'm not even sure I can remember how to drive, everything seems much too fast and noisy and crossing the street in a suddenly packed Grasmere yesterday made me want to scurry back to my nest, back to April when we drifted about from one cup of tea to the next, watching the garden begin to unfurl, writing our journals like characters in a play.
Theres a new book being published next month called "Through the Locking Glass" which is about the artists and writers of Cumbria responding to lockdown. I made a cyanotype and stitch piece which was included in the book and was one of the few things I did during that time. As things began to ease I suddenly decided to have a go at something completely different ...
... My daughter took me (she's my chauffeur now) to visit a lovely friend, Janis Young, from Cumbria Printmakers who lent me an Xcut XPress . Originally designed as a hobbyist's die cutting machine it happens to work perfectly as a mini etching press. I was smitten and managed to buy myself one; now I just need to work out how to carry on improving on the beginners luck I had when I first tried it. I'm the messiest printmaker, ink on every surface and also my own worst critic, but sometimes I accidentally make something that I'm so pleased with it doesn't really feel as though I can have made it ( do you ever get that?) Here is Bookshop Bear, a card design with some additional yellows splodges, from a collagraph printed on the Xcut. He wants to be part of a story but that's still in the clouds.
So, there you have it, a brief round up with large gaps and omissions (the joyous birthdays, the tears and laughter, unfinished jigsaws and abandoned projects, the sleepless nights of worry, the olive branch messages sent to much missed friends that went unanswered, the realisation that Time is relentless, the survivors guilt...)I hope you are safe and warm and well and that everything will be ok.xReading: I'm in between books, dipping in and out of things, listening to Hamnet by Maggie O'Farrell which is excellent and weirdly topical and also listening to Black and British by David Olusoga which should be a set text in schools, what weren't we taught this?!
Theres a new book being published next month called "Through the Locking Glass" which is about the artists and writers of Cumbria responding to lockdown. I made a cyanotype and stitch piece which was included in the book and was one of the few things I did during that time. As things began to ease I suddenly decided to have a go at something completely different ...... My daughter took me (she's my chauffeur now) to visit a lovely friend, Janis Young, from Cumbria Printmakers who lent me an Xcut XPress . Originally designed as a hobbyist's die cutting machine it happens to work perfectly as a mini etching press. I was smitten and managed to buy myself one; now I just need to work out how to carry on improving on the beginners luck I had when I first tried it. I'm the messiest printmaker, ink on every surface and also my own worst critic, but sometimes I accidentally make something that I'm so pleased with it doesn't really feel as though I can have made it ( do you ever get that?) Here is Bookshop Bear, a card design with some additional yellows splodges, from a collagraph printed on the Xcut. He wants to be part of a story but that's still in the clouds.So, there you have it, a brief round up with large gaps and omissions (the joyous birthdays, the tears and laughter, unfinished jigsaws and abandoned projects, the sleepless nights of worry, the olive branch messages sent to much missed friends that went unanswered, the realisation that Time is relentless, the survivors guilt...)I hope you are safe and warm and well and that everything will be ok.xReading: I'm in between books, dipping in and out of things, listening to Hamnet by Maggie O'Farrell which is excellent and weirdly topical and also listening to Black and British by David Olusoga which should be a set text in schools, what weren't we taught this?!