Day three has not been a magic number and I want to start today by apologising for the fact that I set myself the task of writing/drawing daily, for a week, just as the shit hit the fan.
Today began with a delivery of wildly differing types of post, one being a lovely, surprise letter from an old friend and the other being two copies of a solicitor's eviction notice under Section 21 of the Housing Act. I'm concentrating on the wonderful timing of my friend's letter which was the perfect antidote to a surprisingly speedy action by our normally glacially slow to act landlords. Rupert went for a run to burn away the fury and I tried to draw Tree.
Then we set off to Penrith get my head looked at.

I've been getting loads of migraines and earache. The doctor suggested an MRI scan and olive oil; only the olive oil has made me deaf, trapped in my own head with unruly thoughts, the sounds of the sea, creaking ice floes and popping Space Dust. The mobile MRI unit wasn't there and we drove around Penrith unable to make sense of the map - which turned out to be a map of Carlisle. All the information I'd been given was muddled up with 2 different appointment times and 3 different locations. I suppose if I'd been less distracted I'd have noticed the letter was wrong and avoided all the eerie wandering about in dark, deserted car parks at the back of hospital buildings, looking for invisible vans. It seems wrong to make a fuss when the NHS is under so much pressure so we came home and ate oven chips.
YIKES, this is not an interesting post is it. I did splosh some paint about; an attempt at Tree and two rough sketches based on walks in the not-our-garden next door at dusk. The garden is neglected and wild but was obviously once very much a labour of love. Over the years I've tried to resist its pull but couldn't bare to see it totally abandoned, with all its rare and carefully chosen plants choked by brambles as thick as a fairytale. I did more than I should have in the circumstances and got too attached but you can never regret gardening, it does demand a kind of optimism and hope that in the future the seed you've planted will flower and fruit.

That's me done for today. Done for, because you've probably unsubscribed but if you haven't, tomorrow I'll make more of an effort, share a wonderful photograph from the family archive and maybe have more drawings. Take care and enjoy the rest of Saturday x

This morning I sat on the floor in a square of flickering, leaf filtered, sunlight and felt the strangeness of an empty house for the first time in 7 months. The heat rushes in when I open the doors and everything feels steamy after the storm yesterday.Since I last wrote I've emerged like a nervous rabbit, into " The Easing", to work for three days a week in the bookshop; experiencing the complete reversal of the normal state of things because I was briefly the only person in the house going out to work, coming back grumpy and demanding my slippers, pipe and dinner (during lockdown I never left the valley and still haven't visited a supermarket so it's been quite stressful at times). Wearing the plastic face shield all day,  combined with my varifocals,  means that hours after getting home I still feel like I have a hat on and trippy vision that might necessitate  a trip to Barnard Castle...Today however, Rupert has gone back to work at Outward Bound and Sara is having her first day alone as a bookseller (since she moved north again we have been sharing jobs occasionally while she continues to search for her own path). Tomorrow will be a holiday cottage cleaning day for one of my neighbours so this is my time to catch up on my "real" job, the creative me, the one who gets lost in the gaps between days.August is fading Meadowseet, Heather and Bilberries, horrible Horseflies, late hay and the first signs of the bracken turning. Walking back down the valley last week I noticed the tinge of russet and felt quite overwhelmed by the relentless march of the natural world and its cycles, while for a lot of us mere humans it feels as though our lives have been put on pause. It seemed like only a few weeks ago that we'd talked about watching for Catbells turning green in the spring. I've tried not to think about it too much, but of course that means I think about it all the time - the way almost a year has passed and so much has changed. More than ever the feeling of having lost precious time but also of having gained so much and needing to process it somehow.I thought I'd done quite a lot of new work in the bright sunshine of Spring but when I looked at them again recently, because the special circular mounts had arrived, I found that I only liked one or two and then of course I started with the "honestly Kim you had all that time and all that sunshine, why didn't you create mountains of work?". At least, of the ones I have completed , I am unusually pleased with how they turned out. I like the stitching on this hare and her joyful leap over the Yarrow. Now, how to go about selling work without the shop window of art fairs and exhibitions? This blog no longer has the reach it once did and social media is a tightrope walk - if I mention things are for sale my posts are much less popular than the ones featuring rainbows or wild swimming or loaves of bread. Luckily there are bright sparks on the horizon with a possible nerve wracking secret project and an invitation to be part of a winter exhibition at Harding House in Lincoln again.One day recently members of Cumbria Printmakers had planned a socially distanced drawing trip to Holehird Gardens  but of course it rained and rained and even in Cumbria it was too much,  so instead we all agreed to draw at home and share our day via WhatsApp. I hadn't done any observational drawing for ages but I managed a page of ink and gesso and pencil,  looking out at my soggy plant pots. The thing I enjoyed most about this was taking small sections of it later and  enlarging them to use as backgrounds for other things.I'm not a painter but sometimes I think it would be fun to make big textural  canvasses like this...Instead I made a digital collage using other sketchbook images and came up with this ...I entered the Wraptious competition and a few people actually bought the design as a cushion so I think I might get some giclee prints made of it to add to my website shop. I entered 4 other designs too and voting has ended so fingers crossed, you never know.Believe it or not I spend more time thinking about writing than thinking about drawing or making things so it is worrying that I do very little of either! How on earth do people write books and have jobs or other people living with them?! In my head are some characters and some rambling stories and also some thoughts which won't quite arrange themselves into a Thing and instead there is bread to make or someone else words to read or more recently masks to make. I'm counting it as a small victory that this blog post has been completed during daylight and that I can now put the kettle on and tick this off my To Do list.Thank you so much for lending me your precious time and reading this. xReading : The Short Knife  by Elen Caldecott

The frantic business of September, with all its overlapping exhibitions, drawing deadlines and Very Important Birthdays, is over and here I am on the first day of October, thinking about what to write while the new kitten fights sleep on my knee. Looking back I realise that I didn't write anything during September and the excuse for this is the fact that, with Cumbria Printmakers and Craftsmen at the Priory, there seemed to be almost continuous exhibitions happening somewhere and although the initial deadline for finishing my Ugly Duckling illustration project was September 13th, I had to extend it a little following the loss of my sketchbook and the week long migraine that followed. Then about 3 weeks ago this happened ...  

My son arrived one evening with a tiny wobbly monster who was barely able to get up the stairs .This cute, gift kitten has somehow been replaced by a large, spikey tiger with a ravenous appetite and dubious bathroom habits, in the blink of an eye. It's a full time job. We call her Nutmeg but more often her name is unrepeatable in polite company. As write she is kneading my jumper with needle claws and purring like an engine; it's good have company in the lonely barn again even if my legs look like I've been rolling in brambles and Rupert says I look like Action Man with the scratch on my face! 

Early in September as I was busy drawing ducks and swans and worrying about whether it was all looking ok and was "good enough", the bookshop had organised an event with the writer and illustrator Jackie Morris. I'm sure Grasmere must have been full of lots of extra lovely people that day because I was working in the bookshop and sold more of my cards than usual and had some really nice conversations about mutually admired artists and makers. Anyway, the evening event was very interesting and inspiring because Jackie spoke about how she had been told many times at school and later at art college, that she wasn't "good enough", that art wasn't a real job you could live from and so on, only to go on to be one of the most recognised and loved illustrators working today. She spoke about The Lost Words, working with Robert Macfarlane, and how the book has taken on a life of it's own in schools, hospitals and care homes, inspiring memories in older people and a new discovery of nature in the young. For me the admission that she didn't really know "how" to illustrate a book when she first started out, making it up as she went along, but also didn't really know what else to be, was very cheering as I wrestled with self doubt and worried about ducks. Could my Ugly Duckling become a swan? 

Jackie Morris paints an otter in Grasmere whilst reciting a spell by Robert Macfarlane. 

I feel as though I gained a lot of much needed confidence from my first experience of working as a real illustrator, working to a brief and getting paid! I know I could have finished on time if only I hadn't been robbed in Lanercost and as it turned out I was only a week late so I beat Crossrail, with justifiable delays! The Line and Verse exhibition in Grasmere was also really good for me with several sales and work is currently still on show at Upfront Arts Venue in Unthank, near Penrith. But for a moment I can indulge in a few lazy days, think about what I've learned and plan what comes next. 

The main event of September probably deserves a whole blog post of its own and I'm conscious that as usual I'm trying to play catch up and not doing justice to all the things I want to talk about. Last week I was in London with all my family to celebrate my father, William Tillyer's 80th birthday ...

[facebook url="https://www.facebook.com/WilliamTillyer/videos/2203301593327533/" /]

Film for BBC Look North by Sharuna Sagar.

We had a wonderful time, wandering around the Chelsea Physic Garden, having supper at the Chelsea Arts Club, testing out £1330 chairs at the Conran Shop, fighting our way on to tubes to get to the exhibition opening at Bernard Jacobson Gallery and generally enjoying some rare family time. The birthday party at the gallery also marked the opening of the fabulous exhibition of The Golden Striker and Esk Paintings and felt particularly wonderful in contrast to the Radical Vision opening in January when, unknown to most people, he was in the middle of chemotherapy and really not well. I'm sure he will hate me sharing this but the huge, imposing and beautiful painting at the centre of this new exhibition has been largely completed whilst undergoing chemo and dealing with it's after effects, visiting the studio daily and working alone without assistants (unlike many of his celebrated contemporaries).  I find this hugely inspiring and not a little daunting - how can I possibly live my life so single-mindedly and with such courage and determination?!

Flowers designed by The Mighty Quinn Flower Emporium in Bristol as a response to the Golden Striker painting. A gift from Sara to her Grandad. 

Bernard Jacobson, the gallery owner, has written a new book entitled "William Tillyer, The loneliness of the long distance runner", it's part memoir, part biography, part imagined odyssey.  I can't tell you how weird it is to read, having been part of the story, at least for the last 51 years. Again, it deserves a whole blog post and a careful review, maybe from someone more qualified and less involved,  but here is a bit I really liked...

"Hockney recording nature is like Paul McCartney writing opera. Tillyer recording nature is like John Clare recording nature. . Hockney's nature reflects back the colour supplements , Tillyer's is a Modernist mirror of Nature itself."

Well now, here at the bottom of the mountain it's time to return to my own search for a bit of creative fulfilment and also time to put on another jumper as I've got cold sitting here writing this. I'm making these boxes for some events taking place in November and also thinking about some new work for exhibitions early next year. I need to update the website shop and go outside for some air and exercise too... but first coffee!  

new adventures await...

Reading:  Killing Commendatore - Haruki Murakami