This week has been a particularly odd one ( in good ways)  and I blame Jackie Morris. If you've been reading this blog for long enough you'll know that almost exactly 7 Novembers ago I spoke about discovering Jackie's work, whilst contemplating the universal imagery of  "the bear and the girl". My own "bear thing" was caused by a mix up in which I had my heart broken by a young bear-man who went to Canada, just after I'd based my entire final collection at University on bear related myths and legends. It was a weird time, including the worst winter for years, being snowbound in my beautiful cottage and subsisting on a diet of whisky, cigarettes and fruit cake. By the time I wrote that blog post I was starting to emerge from the forest and had begun to visit the Lake District with Rupert ( at which point I quickly realised it was unpleasant to climb hills with a hangover and downing neat rum before heading up Haystacks isn't advised)So, fast forward and somehow I'm living by these lakes and mountains, still dreaming of bears, still feeling a little lost in my new world, wondering who to be now that I'm grown-up, uprooted, finding myself, as if by magic, an occasional bookseller in the tiny treasure of a bookshop and then... who's coming in to sign books but Ms Morris (that's her pretending to be a snow leopard in the squeaky bookselling chair)Ok, to be fair its not all Jackie's fault. When I knew she was coming to Sam Read's and that I'd be working that day I had tried to work out when I'd first mentioned her work on this blog and of course that meant I trawled through the past and my net came up full of  pictures of "home" so my memory was jabbed  and I lay awake all night listening to the owls conversing on the window ledge and lived most of the lines from that Talking Heads song ..."this is not my beautiful life...how did I get here?" Anyway, Jackie and Robin arrived in the bookshop and we talked and drank coffee from Lucia's and ate the peculiar bear shaped biscuits that I'd made and I'm pretty sure I was completely uncool, like an overenthusiastic puppy (I am excited about so many things and it's a shame that shyness makes that feel awkward, I wish it was considered un-cool to be cool and that people could really feel free to express their joy without worrying that they appeared foolish and agonising about it afterwards). It was lovely to talk about art and nature, printing blocks, sketchbook paper, conkers, and the book "The Lost Words" ( a subject Rupert has often talked about as he returns from work sometimes with stories about children not knowing the names of trees, or animals, calling the lake a river or a pheasant a "ginger squirrel"!).We also talked about some pictures she'd posted on Twitter of a painted stone hidden in a tree and so today I set off on a quest because I was pretty sure I knew where it was.Even though I know being outside will lift my spirits and that walking is the best way to work through ideas and emotions, it is often the hardest thing for me to do. Actually motivating myself to leave the house can feel like wading through bread dough and yet, and yet...it never fails to work subtle magic, mood lifts and thoughts start to race. Today, because I wanted so much to find and photograph the stone I was not only inspired to get out but observing everything around me even more carefully. I had a mission, like arty geocashing, no wonder Masquerade caused such a stir.  The first sight of the lake made me gasp out loud, it was one of those perfect, oily mirror days that send you off balance and made me wish more than anything that I'd brought my swimming stuff. Viscous water, that's what it is; you can almost see the surface tension and imagine that it would hold you. I used all my Landscape Detective skills, learned in geography lessons where  we were given a photograph and an OS map and asked to pinpoint the view. I got it wrong and set off from the wrong side of the lake.I nearly gave up but then I worked it out and there, nestling in the crook of a branch was the golden treasure! Well hidden, not at all obvious if you weren't looking. I invented a quick spell, toasted with a flask of coffee, which will hopefully channel some of Jackie's skill and success into my own work via my "I am an artist" ring.  Well, you never know. Of course I replaced the stone, making sure no-one but the raven saw me, because I'd had such a lovely time searching that I hoped other people would too. Returning, I passed another tree that had had flowers and a plastic notice tied to it with red ribbon last time I'd walked this path. It was a memorial to a lost loved one and moving in it's own way but it made me think how many of us feel the need to leave these offerings and memorials and how fine the line is between honouring a place and damaging it. The red ribbon was all that remained on the tree, jarring in the soft winter light and what happened to the plastic? Jackie's stone was as natural as the tree it rested in and will weather and fade, if allowed to, but people who find it will feel a little joy at their discovery.On the way back to the car I lost my bearings and found a tiny creature on a wooden bench, another little treasure, on a path I would never otherwise have discovered. That sounds a little bit like life, so, now, by the stove (which needs another log) I'm trying to find the words to express this magical walk without straying into the sickly realm of motivational quotes and New Age, pseudo pagan bullshit but actually I'm not sure I can (talk about Lost Words eh) To me it feels as though it reinforced the fact that everything is connected , that getting lost can help you find what you really need and that the treasure you find, however tiny, is the reward for all the bad stuff.Look, this bear found treasure too...The kettle is about to boil and I have a parcel to carefully wrap as these two lamps are heading to new homes in the far North this week. I've added a custom order section to the website so it's now possible to easily commission your own bespoke lamp to light up your winter. I'm also entering the Wraptious competition which was a spur of the moment thing so I'm not all that worried, but you'll be able to vote and for a short time buy the designs on their website. It's worth looking because there are some beautiful designs by loads of different artists (I've voted for lots already). Until next time xReading : " The Keeper of Lost Things" Ruth Hogan    Listening to: " The Amber Spyglass" Phillip Pullman ( Audio Book) oh and this... "Tracking Treasure Down" Gabriel and Dresden ....my heart missed a beat, more memories and some kind of residual ecstatic rush.

Here I am, finally sitting down to write my first blog post of 2017 almost a month late and on the day when everyone will probably be too busy planning their Trump Armageddon survival strategy to bother reading about what I've been up too. Thinking back to how excited and optimistic I felt when Obama was elected I got nostalgic and read lots of old posts  which in turn reminded me what a really, really long time I've been doing this blogging thing and how it has been a constant throughout all the ups and downs of the past NINE years. I've made friends (and a few bizarre enemies), sold work, shared things I love,  tested ideas and got on my soap box plenty of times. So, I'm belatedly raising a glass (well a mug of coffee) to 2017 and all the creative adventures it might hold ... but also hoping that somewhere there's some hippy love magic, thats been lying dormant in the world since 1967, strong enough to overpower the hate and division that feels so evident at the moment (well there has to be something good about turning 50 this year! 50!)My excuses for not writing sooner are mostly to do with the Great MacBook Disaster which happened just before New Year's Eve as I snuggled up with my daughter to watch Jonathan Creek. She'd been working all through Christmas (getting hilariously bad, uncalled for Trip Advisor reviews for not being smiley enough whilst serving rude people their food on Christmas Day) so this was our little treat...only the screen went all psychedelic before going blue and that was the end of "The Kneewarmer" as I fondly called it. All my important things were -and still are - trapped inside it so I felt incredibly stressed until I decided to bite the bull on the horns and take the bullet which meant parting with £1,000 just days after leaving my job and driving back from Workington clutching a small cardboard box, feeling slightly sick. Anyway, as it turns out it was sort of a good thing, a new start, like opening a fresh sketchbook or tidying the cutlery drawer. I feel more organised and much less precious about some of those important things. Nothing else works...the sewing machine foot pedal melted to my sock this afternoon, my Wacom pen tablet is incompatible with the new Mac, the cutlery drawer keeps getting jammed and my phone is becoming obsolete but for now everything is lovely in the computer world...even that weird New Apple smell that is a little bit like curry.I'm looking forward to being able to make some more interesting repeat designs for fabric prints now that I can in theory run a more up to date version of Photoshop. In theory because it costs real money and so far the free trial has made me realise I have a lot of learning to catch up on. I felt a bit angry with myself for not keeping up with all the changes and continuing to learn ( especially Illustrator which I've always wanted to use more but found quite annoying).I didn't really make any resolutions but I have decided to be a lot more committed to trying to make Etsy and online selling work for me; it has to.  I got some good tips from a friend of Sara's who came to stay, and the initial results have been quite promising. Even after all these years I'm still not sure how to really crack that system and constantly slide into doubts about my work...if so many people like it why hasn't it sold? I think the reality might be that I'm uncomfortable about money and placing a cash value on something that is essentially - me. I know I'm not the only one to feel this way about their creative work. (Except by the way there is a 20%discount code in my Etsy shop until the 31st ... SNOWDROPS)While Sara and Sophie were here we went to see La La Land, each with our own traumas and trigger points, three Art School graduates, one a little more crinkley and weather beaten, two newly single, all holding it together quite well in the circumstances! The bit that got to me was the sentiment behind these lyrics :-  "Here's to the ones that dream, foolish as they may seem. Here's to the hearts that ache, here's to the mess we make". Whatever you think of the film, the thing I took from it was that maybe the world needs the people who have a dream to follow and don't fit into the boxes expected of them.Oh dear, if you've read this far then you're wonderful because it's been a bit self indulgent, sorry. I think the start of the year (and the approach of a milestone) does lead to introspection and re-assesment but out walking today I wanted to write about other things. The mist cleared in the afternoon and when the sewing machine melted I took myself up the valley, plodding like an aged donkey, to look at the black water  where we swam in in the summer, avoiding the bleaching bones of a long dead sheep. I dipped my hands in the water and tried to imagine jumping in today. Coming back down I was full of energy, bouncing along like a furry fell pony, enjoying the splash of boots through wet peat and loose stone paths running with water. Blencathra summit was floating like an island in the sky, separated from its truncated lower slopes by pastel clouds (or clods as my keyboard would prefer). Can you see it?And then a smell you could bottle and I'd buy the whole batch ...something like wet earth and dead bracken mixed with woodsmoke and moorland sedges, causing a sudden jolt of remembering, a physical reaction to the places in the past; bittersweet.Time to feed the fire and brew more coffee. I'm adding a new bit to the end of these posts; as well as books and music, the website of a maker/ artist/ inspirational person who I admire for various reasons. That's why we're here isn't it...the internet should be about sharing the love. Happy New Year xReading:- Winter re-reading of all the Moomin books  Listening to:- City of Stars from La La Land  Shop/Web/Link:- A good friend from college who is always helpful, funny, strong and brave especially at the moment. She's also cracked the Etsyy thing so is pretty inspirational.  Nutmeg and Arlo    

Well on Tuesday I bought a beautiful fountain pen in Cockermouth and I've just spent ages uploading all these pictures for you but suddenly I'm lost for words again; I'm drinking tea and looking at that big sky. Im sorry to tell you this, now that it's the Easter holidays and it's raining again, but last week was probably the most perfect week ever in the Lake District. Sara and I wore our little legs even shorter with some wonderful adventures... it's much easier to walk further when you have a companion to share sandwiches with at the top. We discussed the amazing human ability to forget how it felt to be exhausted to pieces once faced with the view from the summit ... a bit like childbirth! We also talked about the contrast between Sara's city life in Bristol and our love of this special landscape; both feeling a little discontented ... what is it you miss out on in each place? Could you swap city life for a rural one or vice versa?I loved taking a week away from normal concerns and BCTF panic, to enjoy just being here in the Lake District, feeling lucky despite all the bad luck and upheaval. We climbed three Fells, Hindscarth, Maidenmoor and Low Fell, used my birthday voucher to have a swim and fantastic bone crunching massage at Armathwaite Hall (where we also spotted the Alpacaly alpacas  doing rolypoly's under the trees)  and cycled to Keswick on unsuitable bicycles to do the shopping (so much more stylish to cycle in the sunshine with a dress on and an aubergine in your basket than to charge around in lycra with serious intent).And now it's back to work with less than three weeks before Harrogate and the trade fair. Luckily the sun left as soon as Sara went back to Bristol and even more luckily I was able to find almost all of the hooks and bits and bobs that I need for my stand when I went to Cockermouth... I'd searched in the giant B&Q in Penrith and various other shops until eventually finding the perfect things in the wonderful JB Banks  .It may seem like an odd recommendation but if you're ever in the Lakes don't miss this shop; it's fabulous and has a museum at the back which I keep forgetting to look in.So Spring has sprung, the air smells good and all is well... ah, apart from the fact that I smashed one of my vases while trying to photograph it today, I have a sore thumb from folding and stapling catalogues, all the printing I did yesterday went wrong and the cat has taken to sleeping up a 7 foot holly tree, perched on a twig like the Cheshire cat (only with a resentful look instead of a grin). I think I'm making her nervous.The next three weeks are going to be hectic for me and very different as today is also Rupert's last day working at Carlton Outdoor Education Centre. For the past year he has driven to the North East at the crack of dawn every Monday and pretty much lived in the van all week; but he's got a new job here now, within cycling distance, so life should be easier for him and I'll have to become a little less feral and learn to live with people again! (I talk so little during the week that I almost forget how at the weekends and a whole day of talking gives me hiccups so Harrogate should be fun!). Fingers crossed for more days like last week's to share.Here I am heading up the valley on a small bicycle with the sun in my eyes. And here is a quote that I think is relevant to the whole BCTF preparation process, because whatever happens I have learnt a lot and after all, thats what we're here for isn't it, to learn and experience and breathe in the air? Have a very happy Easter.“It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end.”― Ernest HemingwayReading:  Various terms and conditions and a Maigret mystery. Listening to: David Grey "Sell Sell Sell" Watching:- Rare that I watch TV but "The A Word" was filmed right here and it's pretty good so far.