I've been awake since about 4am and now as New Year's Eve dawns I am sitting in the kitchen, cuddling a hot water bottle despite the stove. I wanted to write before but I'm haunted by a sign I once saw on a bookshelf in WHSmith's ; it said "Misery Memoirs"... I wouldn't want to inflict more of that on you. But some things need saying.Its been a rotten Christmas ( apart from having my lovely children home), I've been ill (including a trip to A&E where I was over zealous in washing my hands and must have somehow lost one of the rings given to me by my children), we've had no water (a neighbour's Kerosine tank leaked into the water table and we've been told not to even wash in it until further notice), a close friend had some tragic news and now I am preparing to send my daughter back to university knowing that she probably won't get a chance to come home again before we are evicted.So I have been sitting here this morning donating small amounts to the charities Water Aid (not for the first time due to the awful water here and the realisation that some people live like this all the time)  and Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide  (because my friend is so brave, though she doesn't know it and so are my other dear friends who have been through the same thing and are some of the kindest strongest most generous people I know).I really hope 2015 is a good year for everyone and that the world becomes a better, kinder, more equal place  (except for the Trustees of Snilesworth Estate, their land agent and the Sayer Family... I just can't help it, sorry. Mean people should get all the bad luck, not the lovely people like my friend Helen.) Thank you for all your support in 2014... I will try to have drawings and pictures and good news next time I write x

I'm wondering if writing when you're in a blue funk is as dangerous as food shopping when you're hungry... this post could end up being the verbal equivalent of a Greggs pasty and a bag of crisps when you'd gone out for tofu and salad. Anyway, I've been moping around all day like a gloomy zombie because I counted off every hour from 4am to 8.30am last night, at which point I got up and fed the chickles, ate breakfast and promptly fell fast asleep until nearly lunchtime. My circadian rhythms are all to pot and  I lie awake getting a lump of worry in my throat that goes down to my heart and sits there on my chest, like a  succubus. A hot bath, a glass of red wine and some homemade chocolate cake seem to have cheered me up this evening though and this picture shows the wall in Borrowdale where we saw the red squirrel - so there are bright moments.I haven't drawn anything this week but I think I may finally have some new glasses that work, thank god.  As you can see, I struggled a bit last weekend after snapping my glasses and having to dig out a selection of ancient ones from the depths of the bathroom cupboard. It reminded me of when I was small and used to try on my mum's glasses and run up and down the corridor for fun because the lens made it feel like you were running uphill!I'm not sure if I don't prefer the original pencil scribble, but anyway, it made me realise I need to keep practicing. Drawing is like any other exercise and its easy to get lazy and fat.On Tuesday evening Jane Thorniley-Walker and I went to the "Sponsors Preview" of Art For Youth North at Queen Mary's School. It was super posh; full of the great and the good (and the rich) and I am going to be honest and say I didn't enjoy it at all. Entirely my fault, it's not easy walking tall and making intelligent conversation whilst balancing a big bags of chips on each shoulder and a sack of worry on your back. Having said that, the work looked great, some beautiful landscapes by Peter Hicks, Ian and Rosie Scott Massie, Robin Puplett and the one I would have bought if I could ... "Moorland Cottage" by Caroline Dunn. It was fantastic to see that Jane had sold a piece on the first night which made it worthwhile. (and of course the event raises huge amounts for Youth charities throughout the UK so I'm proud to have been part of that.)I've still been thinking about next April's BCTF although they have given me the option to hold my place until 2016, since I have no idea what will be happening or where I'll be in the next few months ( it was either that or lose the money). I had some samples printed up hoping to be able to produce them at a wholesale price but now I'm not sure ...does anyone have experience of this? The prices I've been quoted so far ( just over £10 for a plate and £4.50 for a mug + VAT and postage) mean that there is very little profit in it for me, let alone a potential stockist. I really need some professional advice....oh and a fairy godmother with a pot of magic beans.Well now it is time to see if I can read myself to sleep and stay there until morning.I want to say another massive thank you for all the kind messages of support. I wish some of you lived around here, I'm sure I wouldn't feel so alone, we could march on the Big House and demand my jar of jam back.I also want to send huge amounts of love and good wishes to my very dear friend who is currently in hospital learning to make her legs behave after having a stroke type thing last weekend. Fit and young ( well, my age) and very brave for keeping on smiling and joking when lesser folk ( me) would have been reduced to a self pitying mess. Get Well Soon or there'll be trouble!The petition has now reached 888 signatures which is pretty amazing. Ive also had some really kind people from a nearby village offering support as they too have felt the spite of my neighbour. I even got a phone call and a sort of off the record apology from the man who runs Toby Horton's Twitter account. However there has been not a word or gesture from the the man himself, or the estate.

PETITION ....please sign and share if you can. Thank you