Way back in the dark days of January, when nothing seemed to be going quite right, I was sent a message by my friend and bookshop colleague Will. The message was a tweet from the illustrator James Mayhew promoting  a "once in a lifetime" retreat he was leading along with Sarah McIntyre, about writing and illustrating picture books, at the beautiful Scottish Creative Writing Centre at Moniack Mhor. I couldn't afford it* and felt I didn't really deserve it but I was fed up and feeling directionless so I closed my eyes and pressed "send" on the deposit and also ordered a pair of silver boots for good measure ( I felt sure they would inspire me, and be the perfect antidote to sensible Lake District walking gear).Well, it's nine months later, I got home from Scotland on Saturday night and have been processing the experience ever since, reading Sarah and James's blogs and wondering how I could possibly explain to you, in my own way, how how amazing it all was. I've never been on a residential course before, not even the character building ones you go on when you're at school (although I did once famously-shamefully- run away from a riding holiday I'd pestered my parents for when I was 13 - I was just too shy and couldn't cope with the streetwise kids from Swansea). At first it all felt a bit like getting sent to the Big Brother house. Since all the Moorside House debacle and moving to the Lakes I've lost a lot of self confidence and become quite isolated so I was very aware that my social skills were rusty and I needed a haircut. Everyone was really welcoming though and it was impossible not to feel excited and inspired surrounded by so many lovely people in the impossibly glorious setting of Moniack Mhor. It was good to be back in a place with big skies and air you could bottle; living in a steep sided Lakeland valley with enormous Sycamore trees for neighbours you can't take light for granted; just look at the view from my desk!We had group sessions in the mornings with some great creative activities and talks by our esteemed tutors who were so open and generous with their knowledge that I really felt quite over emotional at times (nothing new there I hear my family mutter) Sarah shared the processes behind her top selling books (here she is reading from Grumpycorn, about a unicorn trying to write the best story ever but constantly procrastinating - ha ha, I do REALLY need a donut and some coffee right now...) as well as her very first ever books made as a child. Her message was that the difference between being a writer and just wanting to be one is finishing things and throughout the week she gave us fun tasks which resulted in tiny quick "books" as well as "Comic Jams" and thumbnail layouts. If you're interested or studying illustration her website has loads of really good advice and inside knowledge.James Mayhew's sessions were a joy, a riot of colour and mess as he had us painting to music or making collages to illustrate the traditional stories he told. James's work includes painting on stage, with orchestras, often working upside down (the paper, not him) and of course his wonderful Katie series, Mouse and Mole with Joyce Dunbar, Mrs Noah's Pockets with Jackie Morris and the recent Gaspard the Fox books with Zeb Soanes. We were all transported by his storytelling; from memory he recounted traditional tales such as the Baba Yaga, The Firbird and the Orange Princess, conjuring fantastical images and the warm memories of bedtime stories. The final night around the fire, under the stars was a testament to the ancient human urge to gather by smokey firelight to tell stories and share songs and laughter. James also brought with him one of the great characters of the week, his partner Toto, also an artist, who kept us all in stitches with his be-kilted cycling exploits as well as proving to me that you don't have to dress in beige Gortex to enjoy the outdoors and you can still rock wearing your hair in bunches even if you're not 12. What a fabulous couple, they made the week for me. (look at James's blog for some images)Here we are admiring the results of painting along to Rimsky-Korsakov's Scheherazade.(mine is the weird green sea monster on the left)On Wednesday we had a visit from guest speaker Pam Smy who had come all the way from Cambridge for just, one night to share her unbelievably gorgeous sketchbooks and the gruelling 4 year process of completing Thornhill whilst also teaching full time. We were all in awe of her dedication and unique approach to creating her book, not being afraid to reinvent the picture book format to fit the story she wanted to tell.The last day was for showing what we'd achieved and actually I'd not done very much drawing except for a squiggly watercolour/ink sketch of the Hobbit House ...I decided to use it as a cover for a little scrappy "diary" of my week and spent the final afternoon blissfully sitting under a tree, listening to the gorse pods pop in the hot sun (don't let anyone fool you, Scottish weather is boiling!). It's only a few pages long but I've made it into a wobbly pdf. on my website so that people from the course (or you if you fancy it) can print it out if they want, I hope it works because it was just a bit of fun. I can't wait make some more and take more time over it.And so, as the coffee pot calls to me, some final thoughts... firstly, I couldn't fit in all the magical moments and lovely people (we even had surprise bagpipe players and an emotional Burns night supper) without rambling and boring you silly but the most important thing I want to say is a huge THANK YOU, to everyone at Moniack Mhor, to my fellow students and the staff at the centre, to Will for giving me the nudge, Rupert for not going mad that I'd spent the rent paying for the week, my ancient car for making it there and back again and most of all to Sarah and James. Both our tutors are big names in their industry and you might have expected matching egos but the word I keep coming back to is Generosity - they shared so much and were totally open about all the ups and downs on their  roads to success, as well as personal stories of self discovery and secret inside information on the picture books world. I know how tiring it can be teaching workshops and they could have been forgiven for making a bit of space for themselves at the end of a busy day but it wasn't like that at all which is why I think all of us are still re-living the week and will be for a while yet.Important housekeeping notes...*Helen Kellock was on the course and it turns out her actual, real life, utterly stunning book "The Star in the Forest"  is published this month with a launch in Waterstones, Glasgow and this event at the amazing Golden Hare Books in Edinburgh. GoodLuck Helen!*Sarah McFadyen was also on the course and kept it a secret until the last day that she's actually a musician and vocalist in the band The Poozies, who I can remember from folk festivals I used to go to. She gave me a CD for my drive home and I love it (It also may have caused me to drive too fast). When I got home I had a giant bath and couldn't stop singing this song ...*Links to my fellow Picture Bookers Twitter accounts can be found here, most of them are on Instagram too- be sure to follow as they are all amazing.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGGBq8CJptYFinally...back in the real world the fells are putting on their russet cloaks and I'm looking forward to leaf fall when a little more light will filter into the house through old Sycamore's branches. My next event is the Three Peaks Art Trail which is a taking a bit of getting my head around after a week immersed in Picture Books, it will also be the first event I've done that my daddy is also taking part in (yikes!). The new Guide to Whats On at Dove Cottage in Grasmere also includes my workshop there in March next year, I can't wait to do some cyanotypes inspired by Dorothy Wordsworth's gardenThe webshop is newly restocked with cards, calendars and NEW money boxes - so you can start saving up in case it all goes wrong next month!Until next time x*I was fortunate enough to be able to scrape the money together for the course from money earned selling my stuff at exhibitions and with support from my family but I feel that everyone should get a chance to experience things like this. Moniack Mhor is a registered charity and they do have a Bursary scheme as well as ways patrons can donate to help provide these facilities for people from a diverse range of backgrounds. If you happen to be a kind, rich person please consider becoming a Patron Reading: Fierce Bad Rabbits, the tales behind children picture books by Clare PollardListening to: The Poozies "Knees of Fire and The Chase"

Last week I decided to believe in magic again; after being reminded about the strange story of the sketchbook that foretold my future . It all seems so unlikely -  a Dorian Gray kind of spell - except instead of getting eternal youth (sadly) the picture seemed to have been an oracle leading me on a journey far removed from my own chosen direction and wishes at the time.So now I'm looking for small everyday magic and finding it as I walk ; from the friendly face I spotted in the tree this evening, to the hare gently loping along the path in front of me, before slipping into the long grass and invisibility. I've been inspired by some of the people I've "met" on Instagram such as Milla, "The Woman who Married a Bear", to rekindle an interest in plants and herbs; mixing a potion that works wonders on tired fellwandery feet and, who knows, maybe if I fill a sketchbook with my hopes and dreams they might come true someday (better practise drawing pretty houses with vegetable gardens and swimming ponds...and some kind of representation of world peace of course.) Meanwhile I continue to dawdle on my walks, saying the names out loud - Tormentil, Bog Asphodel, Silverweed and Usnea; and tonight, purple-ing my fingers with surprise bilberries up by the reservoir; where I wasn't brave enough to swim alone. It was the first time I'd walked alone for a while (feeling fat and sluggish after being left in charge of my poor self control and one of Rupert's coffee cakes while he camps out on soaking wet islands, inspiring groups of NCS students) and I thought, or resolved perhaps, to do it more often. To lose myself in thought and daydreams...As well as all that wandering about with my head in the clouds or my nose in a bilberry bush, I'm getting organised for Art in the Pen Thirsk, which is in just two weeks time. I hope I can fit everything in the car and even more, I hope it all sells so I can buy the materials needed for Art in the Pen Skipton the following month, as well as some more exhibitions I'm sending work to. It's been a bit of a flurry of activity the last few weeks with some very happy days in Sam Read Booksellers preventing me from becoming a total hermit and work delivered to three lovely galleries for summer exhibitions ( The Witham, Byard Art and Obsidian Art)As usual I've left this writing until late and all the stories wanted to tell you will have to wait because none of us has the attention span we once did and I need to soak my midge bitten body in some cool water before bed and book time. Remind me to tell you about the evil grey squirrel who scampered below the lazy cat, snoozing on a bench and absolutely didn't give a damn about the danger ( the squirrel warden has been notified) ; or how I let myself down in Loughrigg  by wallowing in the waterlilies when my prescription goggles steamed up.Reading: Letters From Klara by Tove Jansson and "Waterlog" Roger Deakin Listening To: White Horses by Jakie Lee (this has been on the radio lately as the theme to Eddie Izzard's autobiography and I remember loving the series when I was small- which makes me almost as old as these hills)

The cat and I have curled up in my little room under the orange, woollen blanket to keep warm and think about things. We're not complaining about the damp and rain because for a while this month it seemed as though we were living in another country, one with endless cerulean blue skies, arid hillsides smelling of coconuty gorse flowers and heady bluebells; things even started to wilt in the shady part of the garden so the rain has been welcome ( for now). I'm not fond of daffodils, May is the month for more subtle and delicate flowers, so I was happy when the acid yellow was replaced by carpets of  bluebells (why didn't Wordsworth write about them instead?) and now the Hawthorn and Cow Parsley frothing along the hedgerows. As ever my walks are slowed by the need to  sniff May Blossom and discover that it does NOT taste like "bread and cheese" or examine, on hands and knees, like a Hemulen, the  Dog Violets and Heartsease hiding amongst the grass. For the first time I realised that Wild Garlic flowers actually smell of sweet honey unlike their delicious leaves which I've been using to make pesto.It's been a slow month in some ways ( financial ways of course!) and rather than panic I tried to make myself take the advice from the last blog post and draw more. Draw anything, for no reason other than to be doing something constructive rather than procrastinating. Even though it is the hardest thing to begin an empty page and to mute the negative inner voice that is mumbling "stop it, go and find a real job, you're not good enough, it's all been done before...". Isn't it sad how we measure our "success" and  relative happiness in monetary terms so that even on a day when I've made loads of  ok artwork and baked a good loaf of bread and marvelled at the clouds and the light on the mountains,  I can still feel like the day was a disaster because I didn't sell anything. Someone asked me this week what I would do if I was suddenly rich and I really couldn't think of a thing I would want to change - except of course to be secure in my home rather than at the mercy of landlords - so why the discontent?Anyway, the pages of doodles gave me lots play with in Photoshop and it really was playing, because I discovered I could build little worlds to endlessly rearrange ( using the layers ), like my beloved model farm or dollhouse from childhood, I could design my own indoor garden. Rupert likes to tease me about my love of creating "little scenes" on windowsills... a few found objects and a miniature bear in a doll's chair perhaps, or glass bottles with tiny flowers. I made some virtual shelves to display my virtual pot plants and then got engrossed in the great excitement of making a moving GIF with Spirit Bear (who is usually a card or a wooden necklace) . I may get completely carried away with this idea now - about 25 years too late to become an animation legend!The blue prints continue and a story seems to be emerging- although I think Coralie Bickford-Smith already cornered the market on foxes and stars... I haven't read her beautiful book but I was aware of it so I wonder whether I was unconsciously remembering the link or whether  it was genuinely totally random that I found the star sequin on the floor just as I was setting up the print...Well it's nearly time for some more coffee and some more drawing before an evening in Grasmere for Polly Atkin's poetry book launch. Last weekend we went to a Royal Geographical Society lecture about Indian Shadow Puppets so living in the Lakes is definitely making my social life more cultured, or maybe I'm just growing up...good grief!If I was good at arguing persuasively  I'd tell you how important it was to vote those mean old Tories out next month but instead I'll just leave these two pictures here. PR gurus tell us not to mix politics with business and sometimes I worry in case someone is put off buying my work because I'm a bit of a Lefty (I guess this sticker would be earthy brown if I mixed in a hearty dose of Green policy too ) ...but I reckon if Rob Ryan is prepared to nail his colours to the mast then it's better to live fearlessly and keep believing in a better world. The picture below was taken after an evening swim in Rydal Water, where all the sad and cynical people, all the greedy, fighty, selfish people, should be dipped in the crystal water and made to breath in the bluebell air until they see that we only have one world and it's beautiful and it's time we stopped pissing about and looked after it- and each other. xReading:-  ” Work and Love” Tuula Karjalainen ( About Tove Jansson)  Listening to:- Skylarks and UPDATE! since the evening in Grasmere I'm listening to Jenn Grant who played a lovely live set amongst the Pre School toys and Brownie notices and almost me me cry. http://www.jenngrant.com